The Maniac Agenda found this awesome article from Illgates and RD that we had to share it! Enjoy!
It’s safe to assume the vast majority of DJ’s are male. I, for one, can certainly relate. However, there’s a common misconception that most male DJ’s are philandering douche bags with enough time and uncontrolable desire to juggle a groupie in every city. I would like to dispell this myth. While I do know some real swingin’ dicks, most of my DJ ‘homies’ are in commited, loving relationships! Some are married, some even have families. Most have no problem maintaing a faithful nature. In fact, I’ve seen the ‘hottest’ chicks get absolutely re-fucking-jected by my DJ friends. Check out our buddy Robb G. (a happily married man) dispatch of this booth tart!
While we do not condone such harsh treatment of a lass, you have to admit, this is admirable and Robb’s wife is silently pleased. You see, demographically, we DJ’s are generally smart and anything dumb is a huge turnoff. Catch my drift? So, as you read, keep in mind this article was written from the perspective of the modern DJ: a man fully capable of commitment with a deep, abiding respect for the women we love and choose to be with. Enjoy!
HOW TO DATE A DJ
He will never love you more than music.
He might love you as much as he loves music, but you will NEVER, EVER, EVER be more important, and you shouldn’t be. Relationships come and go, people live and die, but music is the one constant throughout our existence. It’s our best friend and our greatest lover. It’s there for us any time, all the time. It never complains to us or questions us. It compliments whatever mood we are in and always comforts us, unconditionally, until death do us part. Your DJ boyfriend is in love with music. So, be prepared to share the podium and don’t look so glum, you’re tied for first place! But, don’t ever ask him to give up DJing. Even if he’s 40 and still hanging on to his sad little dream, it’s your job to encourage, give moral support and be his #1 fan.
Find your own life passion.
So, your man’s on tour and he won’t be home this weekend….again. You miss him. You wish he was there. You text him. No response. You watch some Rom Drams and miss him more. You post on his Facebook. You wonder why he didn’t like your post. You text him again. He doesn’t respond. You get upset. Why isn’t he texting back? Well, he’s probably running at top speed with a 50 pound bag on his shoulders through the airport terminal to catch a connecting flight because the last flight fucked him, sweating bullets and holding back a mountain of diarrhea brought on by the food poisoning he received from an especially gnarly breakfast burrito, the only food available at 6am in the Bozeman, Montana airport. But that possibility doesn’t even remotely cross your mind. You’re only focused on how you feel.
Honestly, sitting around, waiting for your boyfriend to come home is kinda sad. You could be using that time to create your own art and pursue your own life passion. This is a huge lesson: NEVER depend on the relationship to keep you entertained. The moment your DJ boyfriend becomes the primary source of your entertainment, it’s the beginning of the end. So, go out there and find something you are passionate about. Fill your life with it, be driven, be your own badass and your DJ boyfriend will know he’s found the ONE.
Stay off his social networks.
Let’s face it, there’s no shortage of drunken, slutty fan-cakes flaunting their vagina’s in your DJ boyfriends face. And there’s no better place to flaunt said vagina than Facebook. So, do yourself a solid and stay off the networks! The last thing either of you need is an argument about some lewd post on his Fan Page made by a potentially under-aged glow stick in a kandi thong. Afraid he’s gonna reply back to her? Look, if you feel the need to constantly monitor his online activities, that means there’s no trust. No trust, no relationship. Back to the single house you go.
Remain interested in his music.
As time passes and the flame dies down, you might find yourself bored of hearing the same annoying beat loop pounding through the bedroom door over and over again. This is the first sign of your eventual, total disregard for his tunes. Don’t let it happen! Peek your head in the studio, flash some boob skin to get his attention and say ‘hey, that’s a sick beat!’ Encourage him! At the end of the day, he respects your opinion most of all.
Give him studio time.
When your DJ boyfriend is in the studio, he’s in the ZONE. This isn’t your typical man-cave type situation. We are talking about an environment that creates a level of emotional depth one can only achieve through true artistic expression. Sure, he might be hand swatting the air from a kitchen chair in his Mom’s basement, but that’s his virtual stage and there’s a thousand screaming fans projected on the back of his eyelids. He’s killing it and you need to let him have that moment. Don’t make him feel guilty for not hanging out. And, unless you are dropping some encouragement (see above), don’t distract him with your bappies or that BJ you would never normally give him unless you aren’t getting the attention you want. Leave the man be, give him that time and he will love you forever.
HOW A DJ SHOULD DATE
Find Someone Solid.
Alright fellas, let’s be real. You’re chances of meeting a smart, classy babe with her shit together are grim. The Natalie Portman’s of the world typically don’t spend weeknights shitfaced in bars. I’m not saying the ladies of the night won’t eventually be solid, they just haven’t gotten it out of their system yet. Your job is to not waste your time chasing after someone who, ultimately, is gonna drag you down. You need someone who has a passion for their own art and/or career. Someone who loves to party, loves to have fun, and loves to WORK. The busier she is, the more free you are to pursue your dreams. There’s no reason both of you shouldn’t achieve your individual goals together. Power couple!
ZERO Jealousy Policy.
You are directly interacting with drunken females on the regular. As a committed bro, these chicks can’t hold a flame to your dame, but she needs to be confident enough to know this. She simply cannot be the jealous type. So, find yourself a lady who could care less about these strumpets! It sounds impossible, but trust me, they exist and they are awesome. Remember, although she’s mind-blowingly un-jealous, it’s good to remain sensitive to the issue. Dissing the occasional face-chewing raver strumpet for being a sweaty mess is generally a good call. Never, ever sign jigglies with cameras around. Always shoot her a text after your gig, let her know you miss her, etc.
Fly Her To Gigs.
If you’re on the road a bunch, any time with your girl is precious. So, why not take some of that tour money and buy her a ticket to your show in New York? She’s never been there, you miss the eff out of her, it’s perfect! You can have an epic after-show romp in the ole’ hotie sack, wake up to room service and hit the town like newlyweds!
Take a Work Break.
It’s important for anyone to take a break from their hard work. It’s especially important for YOU, Mr. hard working DJ, to get a little R n’ R back at the nest. Rejuvenate the relationship, recharge your batteries and remind yourself why your girl is the mutt’s nuts. Take a few days off, shut down the studio, stack up the Netflix cue and get some serious snugs on the job!
Don’t Be a Douche.
If you have followed the instructions above, you are one lucky mo’ fo’. Your girl is a rare find and you will probably NEVER be with anyone even remotely as amazing as she is. So, for the love of god, don’t blow it for some hot mess of a fan girl with glow tape on her titties. Resist the urge my friend, it’s not worth it. You’ll lose the best relationship your ever gonna have. Plus, she’ll never want to date another DJ again, which sucks for the rest of us and is super, extra Bilbo Douche Baggins of you.
If you’re lucky, you’ll wind up like this happy couple, DJing weddings and being awesome.